Standing in self-hatred,
drowning in my tears.
Looking back on my life,
what I’ve been through the past 17 years.
Living in my cousin’s shadow,
everything I do and say,
wishing somehow things would change,
praying for a way.
Same old crap just another day,
living this evil life that was created just for me.
Starving for love, affection, and attention,
I know none of this is how it’s really supposed to be.
I try to be strong,
even though I feel so weak.
Feel like just giving up,
but I won’t accept that level of defeat.
Pretend like I’m always happy,
although I’m never really okay.
Waiting for this pain to end,
that I feel every stupid day.
It’s hard to say what’s wrong,
when nothings going right.
Hard to keep myself going,
when I’ve been blinded by sight.
This pain is never ending,
it just goes on and on and on.
It’s all so unbelievably real,
I just wish it all was gone.
Trying to pick myself up,
when I’ve fallen so far and hard.
But I don’t know where I’m going,
It’s all so very dark.
My heart is weak, my emotions sore,
I do my best to never let it show.
But deep down inside I feel like,
I’m dying and nobody knows.
A lot of messed up thoughts,
run through my head constantly.
I just wish I didn’t live,
this life of MISERY!
Always my father, but never my dad
I’m sorry you missed out when I went to school for the 1st time,
And you didn’t have me tell you that you were all mine,
I’m sorry you weren’t there to take me to the mall,
And you weren’t there to tell me I have to stand tall,
Sorry you weren’t the one I saw when I came home that day
Or the one I’d run to when I had a bad day,
I’m sorry you didn’t hear me write these, you’d have been so proud,
And you weren’t there to lift me up on a cloud,
Sorry you weren’t there to tell me there’s nothing to fear,
But then again you should have been here,
I’m sorry you weren’t the one to teach me to ride a bike,
Or the one who took me on my first ride.
I’m sorry you weren’t the one who carried me on his back,
that was my other daddy, the one I actually had!
Or the one who held me tight when strength is what I lacked,
I’m sorry you weren’t the one to hold me when I cried,
Or tell me I did great when I really tried,
I’m sorry you were never there to teach me how to cook,
Or there at night to read me my favorite book,
I’m sorry me as a daughter is what you never had,
You will always be my father, but you will never be my dad.
You are blind
You can never see
All the anger built up in me
I hated life
I wanted out
You didn’t care
You would just shout
I felt so alone
Thought I didn’t need anyone
Turns out I just needed a mum
The black sheep
I was never apart
Furthest away from your heart
Things have changed
I’m growing old
I don’t need you
You still feel cold
I’m now out of sight
Out of mind
I don’t need you, I’ll do alright
I don’t need your blessing
Or your cash
Without your help I’ll make a splash
Land on my feet with a crash
I’m happier than ever
My life’s brand new
And most of all
I’m not like you.
Tell me how to love someone
who doesn’t love me back.
Tell me how to respect someone
who doesn’t deserve my respect.
Tell me how to trust someone
who betrayed me so badly.
Tell me how to care for someone
who never cared about me.
Tell me how to speak nicely to someone
who only spoke down to me with bad words.
Tell me how to get along with someone
who brought me nothing but endless tears.
Tell me how to get close to someone
who caused me so much pain.
Tell me how to forgive someone
who hurt me so severely.
Tell me how to open my heart to someone
who broke it to pieces too many times.